Shouldn't Be A Good In Goodbye
by BlackCatAndADevilsTrap
Summary: Cas is no longer needed in heaven, and begins traveling with the brothers full time. He witnesses Dean experience debilitating nightmares. Helpless, the angel searches for a solution. The sleepless journey brings Dean and Cas closer than they ever imagined they would be. When Sam finally finds out what's going on, he must determine where his jealousy stems from. Eventual Wincestiel
1. Sleep Aid

_Chapter 1 and 2 are K-rated setup for Destiel. **Warnings:** Sexual scenes, homosexual angel/human pairings and incest to come in the future.  
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_I'll be updating this story as often as possible. I'm focused more on maintaining the character accuracy and ensuring a proper buildup, rather than on smut. I hope you all enjoy it.  
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_The threesome paused for a moment, all breathing heavily. Dean Winchester turned around to see an exhausted Castiel, panting, "Faster, Cas". His angel simply nodded. As they all began moving once more, Sam suddenly found himself the one struggling to keep up. "I'm not going to make it" He shouted over the chaos. Dean shook his head, "Keep going Sammy, we're almost there". _

Sam choked on his coffee. He was sitting in an old, practically empty diner reading the most recent online publication of Supernatural to Dean. They were waiting for Cas to get back with information on a new case. "At any point, does Chuck mention that we were being chased by a group of vampires and not in the middle of a friggin' orgy?" Dean asked, sporting a horrified expression for only the moment it took to cram a slice of bacon into his mouth.

Castiel appeared then, in the seat beside Sam and directly across from Dean. Sam, who had gotten extremely used to Cas popping in and out, smiled warmly. The surprise caused Dean's bad nerves, on the other hand, to make him noticeably flinch. "Damn it, Cas"

They ignored him. "What did you find?" Sam asked, taking another sip of coffee and gently shutting his laptop with his free hand. Castiel shared his observations and research with the brothers. They remained in the diner for a short while, conducting a plan for the hunt and retrieval of the cursed object. "A cursed blanket, really?" Dean shook his head as they each slid out of their chairs, "I mean, come on. First the tea kettle, ballerina shoes and now a blanket? Who the hell picks these things out?" He placed the money for the bill on the table and they headed out.

After a day of wrestling with a flower-printed throw that had strangled some poor old woman, who - unfortunately for her - picked the thing out at a yard sale, the boys returned to their motel room. Sam looked across the room at Dean, who was hold up on the couch, snacking on a bag of greasy fries and channel surfing. Sitting beside Dean was Castiel, wearing one of his puzzled expressions as Dean flipped through channel after channel. "I don't understand why you don't just choose one." Dean rolled his eyes before responding, "Because they're all cheesy soap-opera's and infomercials." Sam noticed Cas had been sticking around more and more lately, but he didn't usually sit around on the couch watching TV with them after a hunt. "So what's up Cas?" He asked from his seat by the window. Castiel looked up innocently, "What do you mean?".

"Not that we don't love your company and all, but you don't usually hang around after the job is over. I mean, you usually wait until we pray to you for a visit"

Cas nodded, understanding. "Ah, yes. I expected someone to notice sooner or later, I suppose. Heaven is at peace again and truthfully, I'm not needed there." He paused for a moment before continuing, "And it would seem that some of my brother's and sister's are still having some difficulty forgiving my crimes. I don't want my undesired presence to disturb the peace we fought so hard to obtain."

Sam just gave him a look of sympathy. _Poor guy_. Dean however, gave the only indication that he'd been listening at all when he said, "Tell 'em to shove it up their asses, Cas. If I can forgive you, so can they." Castiel just watch Dean gratefully as he proceeded to enthusiastically take an entire handful of fries into his mouth at once. "Thank you, Dean"

A week later, Cas was still traveling with them. He didn't sleep at night, so Sam taught him how to use the laptop for research whenever he got bored. Cas often preferred to sit down in a chair or on the couch and watch the brothers asleep in their beds, though. He had begun memorizing their breathing patterns, finding the entire situation very peaceful. Sometimes hours would pass by without his notice. But after particularly difficult hunts, he began to observe, the brothers would have nightmares. Sometimes one and not the other, or sometimes both in one night. Their breathing would accelerate, restless moans would escape their parted lips and even thrashing around under the sheets would occur in the worst cases. On these nights, Castiel felt very helpless. He would watch them awaken with no recollection of their frantic struggling.

Days later, Dean's nightmares began to happen more frequently. Every night he was restless, practically yelling in his sleep. Sam slept soundly beside him in his own bed. Castiel actually found himself in pain as he watched Dean panic every night, and awake with dark circles every morning. On the sixth night in a row, he couldn't take it anymore. Cas gently padded to the side of Dean's bed, where his throat was constricted and he was flailing his arms about. Cas sat down on the edge, quietly whispered, "Dean," and waited for him to wake up. He sighed when it didn't work, and prodded Dean hard in the shoulder. Dean's eyes snapped open with a light gasp, and he reached for the gun he kept under his pillow. "Dean" Cas repeated, impatient.

Dean sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to adjust to the darkness, "Cas? What the hell?"

"It would seem you were experiencing a nightmare"

This time though, Dean remembered. The entire mess was still freshly vivid in his mind. The images of hell, of torture, of the lives lost on their recent hunts, of even the lives lost of his friends over the years. Everything horrible seemed to be piling up at once, determined to haunt him. Dean sighed. He was exhausted, but the fear was still pulsing through his body. He didn't want to go back to sleep. He didn't want to relive all that horror.

"Thank you" He said finally, and Cas simply nodded. "You've been experiencing it for days, progressively getting worse."

"Yeah I could tell, I guess. I've been waking up more tired than I am when I go to sleep"

"Should we wake up Sam?" Castiel asked, certain Sam would come up with a theory.

Dean shook his head, "Let him sleep. It's no big deal, I'll manage it". Cas felt uncertain, but he let it go. "Manage what?" another groggy voice asked from across the room. Sam sat up in his bed and reached for the lamp on the bedside table. The room lit up and Dean was suddenly very aware of the fact that he and Cas were sitting together, on his bed, Dean without a shirt, and his face grew hot. "Nothing Sammy, it's fine. Go back to sleep."

"Dean, it's 3am. What the hell is going on?" Sam asked, rubbing a hand through his messy hair, pushing it back and out of his face. Dean snapped, "I said nothing, dammit, go to sleep". He slid out from under the covers, threw on a random white t-shirt from his bag, grabbed a beer from the mini-fridge and headed for the door, slamming it behind him. Sam watched him go, shaking his head with a defeated sigh. "What happened, Cas?" He pleaded, completely unsure what was wrong, or how to help his brother. Castiel cleared his throat. "Dean thinks you should rest. I'll keep watch over him, don't worry." And then he was gone, and Sam was alone.

Sam only brought up the 3am incident once after that, the following morning. Dean insisted that he was fine and Castiel would simply change the subject whenever asked. But the nightmares continued, and now Dean would even wake up on his own, gasping for breath. Castiel would go and sit beside him, every night. They wouldn't speak, or even look at each other at times. They just sat. Dean would never admit it, but he drew enormous comfort from the angel's presence. He'd grown to fear just going lying down now, certain that hell was waiting to consume him if he allowed himself to fall asleep.

Eventually they started talking at night. It started out with Cas offering a nonjudging ear, in the event that Dean ever wished to share his frightful dreams. Dean gently declined, though he appreciated the gesture. Then they began talking about Sam, and whether they should tell him what was going on or not. Dean, once again, shot down the idea. Now they talked about hunt's. They would discuss the demon from the previous day, or what they planned to do about the werewolf they were looking for, or how many spirit's might be in the haunted house they were preparing to investigate. Dean would grow so comfortable beside Cas that he would even doze off here and there, sleeping for a few hours at a time before the nightmares set about pursuing him once more.


	2. Intervention

Dean's health was noticeably declining as the weeks went on. Although he was beginning to enjoy staying up every night with Cas almost as much as he would have enjoyed a restful night's sleep, it was now even affecting his ability to perform on cases. Sam tried his best to sit back and wait for things to improve, or for anyone to let him know what was wrong. When neither occurred, he would ask them both for answers. Cas pretended like he had no idea that anything out of the ordinary was going on, and Dean would just mutter "I'm fine."

One night, they were sitting at yet another small diner sharing the local, large pizza 'special'. Dean had taken a few bites of one slice and proceeded to lay his head down into his hands, thumbs pressed to his temples. Castiel, sitting beside Dean, placed a concerned hand on his shoulder. Sam watched them both intently. "Is anyone ever going to tell me what the hell is going on?" He asked, growing furious over the whole thing. Dean took a deep breath, shrugged off Cas' hand and sat back up, grabbing his pizza slice, "I'm fine, Sammy, really. Stop worrying about it."

"I'll stop worrying when you stop fucking lying to me, Dean" Sam snapped, slamming his fist down on the table they were all sitting. "People are staring" Cas pointed out, uncomfortable with any kind of confrontation. Sam tried pleading once more, "Look at him, Cas. He looks like he's dying. We need to help him, and you need to tell me what's wrong," Castiel turned to look at Dean, raising an eyebrow as though requesting permission. Dean just shook his head, "There's nothing he can do, man"

"Dean, don't talk about me like I'm not sitting right here," Sam had to take a deep breath to control the blinding fury that was threatening to overcome him. "Tell me if the roles were reversed, that you wouldn't be worried? Not to mention, mad as hell. You hate being lied to," Sam pointed out, opting to try reasoning once more before he resorts to punching his big brother in the face. Dean looked defeated, broken. "Alright, Sam," he began, "I've been having fucking nightmares. That's it, really. Nothing I can't handle."

Sam narrowed his eyes. "Nightmares are a bitch, sure...but they don't do _this_" He said, moving his hand to gesture to Dean's distorted appearance and lack of appetite. Castiel finally joined the conversation, "He's accumulated eight hours of sleep over the past six days" Dean shot him a look of disapproval, but Cas ignored him, "I'm beginning to think there is an external root. I've already searched for possible cure's, but all of them rely on knowing the direct cause." Sam hid his utter disbelief well and merely nodded calmly, calculating. "I still don't understand why you wouldn't tell me earlier. I could help, and you know it. What else are you hiding?" He asked Dean directly.

Dean ignored him entirely, too tired to lie. Too tired to even figure out the truth for himself. Because as of right now, the truth was that he had no idea why. He knew that between the two of them, Sam and Cas would find the answer. They'd have him all fixed up in a couple of days, and he'd be sleeping through the night- free from being haunted by all of his worst memories. But he also knew that would mean giving up Cas, in a sense. Things would go back to normal if he was healed. Cas would go back to leaving at night, and only speaking when he had relevant information to offer about whatever hunt they were on. They'd grown so close to each other lately that Dean even began sharing memories of his own childhood. Cas would tell him stories about Heaven to comfort him whenever he woke up in a panic. Dean would tell him a little bit about the nightmare, sparing the most gruesome details. They'd sit beside each other in Dean's bed and watch the sun come up. Whenever Sam would awaken, Cas would disappear and reappear a moment later in his chair across the room. Dean would pretend he'd just woken up, or pretend to still be asleep. Whatever the case, this was the closest to anyone Dean has ever really felt. Despite everything they'd been through, he knew that he could trust Cas with anything.

Dean didn't realize he'd started to doze off at the table, thinking about Castiel and the last few weeks. Sam was still waiting for an answer when Dean's head started nodding forward. Cas caught him and lifted one of Dean's arms around his shoulder, his head resting against Cas' neck. "We should take him back to the room", the angel stated. Sam nodded and stood up to grab Dean's other arm. He was even more worried, now that he had a glimpse of just how bad things had gotten.

Back at the motel, Sam tried asking Castiel more about Dean. When did this all start, what do you think caused it, how can we fix it, and more of the same. Cas tried to answer everything briefly, but always honest. His eidetic memory certainly helped, since he was able to remember exact dates and the things that occurred on those days. Still, he wouldn't answer questions about why Dean had chosen to hide it, or what they did all those nights. Castiel knew this would probably make Sam more suspicious than necessary, but Dean had chosen not to reveal this information for whatever reason and Cas was not willing to betray his trust.

Dean woke up only fifteen minutes after they carried him back into their grimy room, interrupting an argument between the two watching him. "Damn, I was sure he'd be out for hours" Sam muttered, as Dean waited for his own erratic breathing to return back to normal. "I told you" Cas responded defensively to an earlier accusation, "I've been letting him sleep. He's incapable". Castiel approached the bed slowly while Dean lifted himself into a sitting position, unsure how he would react to Cas' presence with his brother watching their every move. "Cas" Dean whispered, visibly shaking. At once, Cas was sitting beside him, his arm returned to it's regular, comforting position- wrapped around Dean. "I'm here."

It broke Sam's heart to watch the scene that was unfolding before him. His brother, broken and vulnerable; their angel, trying with all he had to make it okay. When Dean finally came back to reality, he looked up at Sam with wide, apologetic eyes. He was dying.


	3. Stonewall

_I'm not as fond of this chapter, but I hope you all like it regardless. This was honestly my first attempt at any kind of smut, so please be understanding. Warning: Sexual scene (finally) between a homosexual angel and a human. Enjoy!_

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A few days later, Sam was gone. He'd taken the impala after having spoken to Frank, who was able to get a hold of some ingredients for a spell that would - hopefully - ward off whatever had gotten inside of Dean's mind. Castiel would have gone, but he elected to stay in the event that Dean's organs began shutting down. He'd be able to temporarily hold back any severe physical effects, but all he could do for the psychological damage was try his best to keep it all from entirely tearing apart the human's mind. Dean didn't even protest as Castiel pulled him into his arms, stroking him like a child. This would have made things uncomfortable between them weeks ago. Now however, the only thing Cas didn't understand was the grief he felt, and the debilitating desire to be close to Dean. All he knew was that he wanted desperately to wipe away every ounce of pain so that Dean would never have to feel hurt again. Normally, when one of them - Cas, Dean or Sam - died, it was very sudden and there were no time for goodbyes. To watch family suffer slowly was much harder.

"Cas?" Dean mumbled, his voice barely audible. "Yes, Dean?" Castiel didn't loosen his grip around the sickly human. "Thank you for staying" Dean would never have admitted how terrified he was by his own past. Now, it had become obvious to everyone though, just how much he'd seen and done over the years, and just how much of that weight he carried on his own shoulders. He lifted his head up to look at Cas' face. He'd committed each individual detail to memory over the last month of spending every night with him. Just now, his angelic, unchanging features seemed a little more worn than usual. His skin was a bit too translucent, and his icy blue eyes appeared to have sunk behind the swollen bags beneath them. Castiel didn't even _need_ sleep and he appeared sick. Dean couldn't imagine what his own appearance had been reduced to.

"Of course" Castiel responded, almost as quiet. The two were staring into each other's eyes, unsure what the other saw there. Dean reached a shaky hand up to trace the feature's of Castiel's face. He'd never outwardly stated just how beautiful he thought Cas was, or how much he admired Castiel's ability to do what he believed was right. Dean had never even told Cas how much he appreciated everything he had ever done for the brother's. As his fingers lightly trailed the angel's smooth skin, he murmured his list of regrets. Castiel remained perfectly still, his brilliant stare never leaving Dean's face. His fingers gently traced the lines of his jaw, his cheekbones, and finally, his lips. Dean sighed, feeling the soft skin beneath his pulsing, unsteady fingers.

Dean knew he'd be lying to himself if he tried to say he'd never thought about the deeper meaning between the long, intense stares the two sometimes shared. Or if he denied the moments when his mind sometimes wandered to the scar on his shoulder, where Castiel had personally pulled him from hell and returned him to his brother. Dean would be lying to himself if he told himself he didn't have some desire to taste those beautiful lips which his fingers so gently danced across just now. Castiel was still silently staring. It was becoming unnerving. "Can you read my mind?" Dean asked, genuinely curious and too tired for tact. The corner of Castiel's lips turned upward in a small, guilty smile, and Dean let his fingers drop back to his lap. "It's difficult to explain, I suppose. I can't hear exact thoughts," He answered honestly, "Just themes," Cas tilted his head to the side and let his gaze fall to Dean's lips, "You're thinking of me"

A comforting warmth seemed to engulf the entire room. Dean's stare flicked between Cas's sparkling blue eyes and parted lips and suddenly, he wanted nothing more than to kiss his angel. Dean sat up straighter, reaching his face up to close what little distance lie between them. Their lips met, and the kiss was heartbreakingly bittersweet. Dean took his time, considerate of Castiel's inexperience. He pulled Cas' bottom lip into his own mouth and sucked gently. The pace was agonizingly slow- so unlike what Dean was used to. It was perfect. Eventually it grew heavier, and their tongue's began to intertwine. Cas didn't need to pause for breath, and Dean simply refused. He was afraid that if he let Cas go, he'd awaken to learn that this was all a part of his nightmare-centered torture.

The desire was growing stronger between them with each passing moment. Dean had brought one hand up to the back of Castiel's head, his fingers lacing themselves gently through the angel's messy brown locks. As the kiss grew more urgent, Dean could feel his denim jeans growing tighter. He repositioned himself so that Cas was now lying on his back, with Dean bent over him. Their lips never left each other as Dean tossed one leg over Cas, and rolled his hips into the angel's, forcing their clothed groins together. A soft moan escaped Castiel's lips, and he froze for a moment, surprised. "I've never experienced this feeling before," He admitted without embarrassment. Dean smirked. Despite his indescribable exhaustion and the pain he felt because of it, he knew now that he wasn't prepared to die without admitting to himself what he truly wanted.

Castiel brought his hips up then, stretching for more contact. His gaze caught Dean's and for a moment they stared into each other's eyes. Dean ducked his head down to meet Cas' neck, trailing his lips across the angel-soft skin. They continued their rocking motion, hips grinding against hips. Soon their clothes became too uncomfortable, so Dean began stripping Castiel's layers away. The trenchcoat that Dean had grown to love so much was strewn across the floor, soon joined by his suit and tie. Cas followed the example, reaching his hands down to Dean's waist and tugging on the bottom of his tan colored t-shirt. Dean shrugged out of his shirt and began undoing his belt buckle, tossing his own clothing aside. They each slid out of their pants, never taking their eyes off of the other.

Not stopping to analyze his mixed emotions about the two men exposing themselves to one another, Dean returned to his position on top of Cas. The two moved in synchronization, their bodies winding and twisting and intertwining on the old motel bed.

They subconsciously took turns dominating each other. One would slow or tease and the other would quickly take over in a bout of frustrated desire. Castiel was the first to enter Dean, filling him entirely. The pair moaned loudly at the same time, overwhelmed by the intense pleasure. It's no secret to anyone that Dean had slept with many women over the years. Still, the emotional connection or "bond" he shared with Cas seemed to magnify this particular experience. Their bodies rocked in a rhythm and Castiel's inhuman strength was pushing Dean over the edge. The angel's nails dug into Dean's soft flesh and he had to stifle a cry. Cas groaned, slamming into the human until he finally came inside of Dean. This finished Dean off, and he followed shortly after. There was grunting and panting and even a yell or two as their bodies spasmed together. When it was over, Cas laid back and Dean returned to his position against Castiel's shoulder.

The motel room floor was littered with clothing. The two men were awake, lying naked on the bed nearest the covered window. Their skin was shimmering from the thin layer of sweat, and Cas had resumed his earlier action of stroking Dean's hair comfortingly. The workout had drained the only remaining energy from Dean, and now his eyes drooped. His speech slurred a bit when he said, "I love you, man. If I'm gonna die I just want you to know that," Cas' eyes darkened, his expression grave. "No one is dying, Dean." The human smiled. _Son of a bitch always was an optimist. _

And then the lock clicked as someone fumbled with the key. The two had gotten so caught up in each other, they had forgotten the time. The door opened slowly, and Sam stopped in the doorway. "Wh-"


	4. Abandon

_I apologize in advance for this chapter. Good luck._

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What began as a startled "What the hell" choked off into something of a cross between a disturbed cough and a shocked gasp. Sam had always been both suspicious and supportive of the possible existence of deeper feelings between his brother and the angel, but this was not the way he'd planned to learn about them. He found himself unable to look away, mouth gaping open as he took in the scene before him. His fully exposed brother, cuddling with their best friend after what clearly would have been an even worse moment to walk in.

Sam decided there were two available options. The prudent thing to do would be to close his eyes, back out of the room and pretend he'd never seen anything. He could come back later and they'd continue on with their lives as they always have. Sam remembered though, the reason he'd left to begin with: his brother was dying. That meant that he would have to put all of the awkward feelings aside. He inhaled deeply and let out a loud, annoyed sigh. "Could you guys put some clothes on, please?" Sam asked, careful not to sound too harsh. He was entirely aware of his brothers rapidly deteriorating health. Since Dean didn't even protest his brother's presence, it was obvious how quickly they were losing him. Castiel cleared his throat, "He isn't doing well, Sam"

In only a few steps, Sam had crossed the motel room and was kneeling beside Dean's bed. "Clothes, Cas" Sam repeated. The angel blinked, confused for a moment before looking down and realizing, "Of course". A moment later, the two were fully dressed. Castiel propped Dean against the headboard and slid off of the bed gently. "What did you find?" He asked Sam, his hand feeling their patient's forehead.

"Well, like you said, the cures are all based on the specific cause," Sam began, "But after Frank and I did some research on the hunt we were on when it started - based on the timeline you gave me -" He broke off when he noticed Dean's eyes flicker open. "Sammy?"

"Dean, I'm here. It's fine. You're gonna be fine."

Dean smiled. It was a heartbreaking smile, Sam realized. He was letting go. He was going to stop fighting. The way his lips were turned up and his eyes were alight was too devastatingly peaceful. Dean looked like he was entirely calm now that he had seen that his brother was okay. It was as though he'd accepted his fate, being too tired to keep going.

"Dean, listen to me" He said, furious at the mass that had developed in the back of his throat. "Hold on, dammit" Sam's voice was breaking, "I need you to hold on,"

"Take care of each other" Dean murmured, his eyes closing slowly.

"No, listen to me-" Sam placed his hands on either of Dean's shoulders and began trying to shake him awake, "Listen to me, Dean!" He cried, desperate.

"Sam, the cure!" Castiel reminded him, "Where is it?"

Tears were building in his eyes as he watched his dying brother, falling asleep for the last time while wearing a tortured smile and an old t-shirt. "Dean," He whispered.

Sam's heart was pounding so loudly in his chest that it seemed to block out everything else that was about to happen. Castiel appeared at his side, desperately trying to shake him back to his senses. "Sam!" Cas appeared to be yelling, but Sam didn't hear it. The blood pumping in his ears was too loud for him to hear anything. The tears seemed to be flowing uncontrollably from his eyes now, and he was gasping for air. Cas dragged him to his feet, still screaming about the cure. When Cas let go of Sam, the human fell back down on his knees. Useless.

The cure was the blood of the demon that infected him. On a hunt several weeks ago, the boys apparently came across a "mare". They hadn't known she was in town, as they'd only been there in search of a wendigo killing off village locals. A mare is a demon who torments her victims with horrific dreams until they simply can't sleep anymore. The human body shuts down after an extended period of sleep deprivation and she gains power from the sacrifice. Her power effects everyone in close proximity, but is more severe for those that carry with them a lot of grief or guilt. In a case like Dean's, she would only have to use his own memories and guilt to haunt him. Once she latches on to her prey, the only way to stop the infection is with the mare's blood. Now it was too late.

It was over. Castiel stopped moving, stopped yelling. Sam kneeled beside his dead brother, weeping noisily. Dean was gone.

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_I apologize for two things: how short this chapter was and, more importantly, killing Dean. It broke my heart. But it really needed to be done, and I think you guys are going to like what happens next (hopefully). Plus, I'll make up for the short length in the chapters to come. I should be publishing 2 more chapters this week, each with a 2100wc min. _

_If you're enjoying this fic, or if you absolutely hate it, please leave feedback so I know how I'm doing. Thanks for reading!_


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